A Dog Meets a Rabbit

A Dog Meets a Rabbit

A dog, Gawker's most popular columnist, returns this week with an exploration of the face-to-face relationship, and a being's ethical responsibility to the infinite other: "There's a rabbit who lives in a plywood box two yards down. Not a smart guy. I can't vouch for his personality."

A dog maintains a blog at dog.gawker.com.dog.gawker.com

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Pending approvalOriginal post by A dog

Heck on That

Heck on That

Urrrrrggggh. Sometimes if you eat a bug your stomach says: no thank you, I don't want that.

You wanna feed me a stink-bug? Heck on that! You wanna give me a pee rug? Heck on that! You wanna put me in a box, boy? Heck on that! You wanna feed me bok choy? Heck on that! You wanna have me eatin vegetables? Heck on that! You wanna give me some broccoli? Heck on that! You think I'll just lay back and eat green peas? Heck on that! Is that what you think of me? Is it? I'm just gonna eat squash? Heck! Heck on that! I will not stand for it! I don't do that.

There's a rabbit who lives in a plywood box two yards down. Not a smart guy. I can't vouch for his personality. I sat out here one day for nearly three hours trying to have a normal conversation with him and literally all he would do was just... I don't even know how to say it... like wiggle his nose. I do know that he likes eating vegetables though, so you might try him with that stuff.

Shaking. That. Nose. At me?? Heck on that! You wanna shake that booty at me? **********Okay well now we're talking********************!

Imagine if you will, me out there in the yard—and it was a nice day, all sunny, I could have been doing lots of other things, but instead I decided to try to make a friend. I'm sitting there. On my haunches. Right by the back fence. Chattering away. "So, how long you been in the box? Where are you from? How do you like it here? What do you do in the box? What bugs do you like? Do you have any meat in the box? Do you want to come over with meat? What's your name?" I'm talking like some sort of talking machine. This little rabbit down the way, meanwhile, just sitting on his bottom. Wiggling his nose. I always thought he was about to say something when he did that, so I just kept talking, to be polite. "How high do you think the sky is? Do you like to jump? Why do you jump so much? I know a gecko, do you? You ever had a burger? Got any in that box?" His nose would twitch. Sometimes, his eye would move. It kept me on the edge of hope. Talking to this little rabbit in his wooden box, like a perfect fool. "Did you ever run up a hill? What kind of bread do you like? Do you hide any snacks in that box of yours? Have you ever kissed a bird? Want to come over and eat dog food?" Never did get a bit of an answer. Eventually I just got quiet, and he just stayed quiet. There we were, like two lumps on a log. Or one lump in a yard, and one lump in a box, I guess. I haven't figured out rabbits yet.

You wanna hop like a kangaroo? Heck on that! You wanna hop around with no shoes? Heck on that! You wanna eat all the lettuce and the cabbage and the carrots? You can have it!

Do you like olive loaf? I'll eat it.

[Image by Jim Cooke]

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