Fly! Heart roaming thru the heaven's subtle firmament. Soar! Onrushing fervor in my verisimilitude.
Zoom! As yonder approaches and the past gently recedes. Ahoy! My friendly lemon—as I call my ball. Lemon! A rubbery drool grasped firmly to my bosom. Lemon ball! If I could put it down my throat I would. Instead I just chew a lot, and pray for one day it to go down my throat if it will.
Everyone talks about how they want to have adventures. "I want to go to this place," they say. "I want to do this exotic thing." They're very unsatisfied with their day-to-day lives. My friend Brian is always talking about, "I'm going to go to the beach one day. I'm going to see the breaking waves on the shore." Meanwhile, he is a rat. You live in a drainage pipe on the side of an artificial pond by a mini-golf course on the side of Country Road 210, Brian! Just be happy with your life as it is!
I have a trick. I hesitate to refer to it as a trick, because most people associate that with magic. It's not magic, it's real life. A trick is what it is, in the sense that it is a shortcut method that I use to dominate in this world. I would pause here and note that I don't approve of magic. I consider it to be mean and scary. That's another topic for another day. I got a million of em. Today I'm only talking about the trick I mentioned though. There's nothing magic about it if I do it basically every day. Anyone who even accused me of magic would be slandering me and saying lie. I don't play that. I am real enough to see, taste, and rub. Ask your girlfriend! I'm joking but she does like me.
Here is what I do on a day to day basis or whenever I want to. I narrow my eyes. Some people think this means I am sleeping but I'm not. I'm getting ready. I crouch down low and I start walking slow. I part my lips. Just enough so that my mouth is open all the way from the front to the back. If I'm telling the truth then I have to tell you that sometimes I just open my mouth real wide. Real, real wide so all my teeth are just hanging out naked. I'm not the demure couch recliner you suspected. With my mouth open I walk deliberately forward. As I walk deliberately forward, the air moves into my mouth. My forward motion forces it in there. A current of air, wispy. Firm but yielding. It moves across my gums like a loving toothbrush. The air of kiss caress feel. I quicken my stride and feel the air, my love, flowing over my hanging tongue, down my throat, bringing life and at the same time bringing the taste of minute particles of bacon that were cooked anywhere in a 300-yard radius in the past several hours. Air, my boon companion. I need not do anything so crude as to breathe; I move ahead, and the air moves into me. I am a creature of equanimity. Perfectly composed, I and my environment together constitute one solid whole. The air in me, and me in the air. The dirt on my paws, and me walking on the dirt. Some may call me a role model. I think of myself just as a small meat torpedo.
Free! Unyoked from gravity's cruelest bounds. Floating! I am floating on the air or I feel like I do sometimes. Adventure! Each day alights anew abreast, of yesterday's memory. The memories never weigh me down. I may be pudgy baby but I breathe so smooth.
[Image by Jim Cooke]